Fuck You, Dolphins

Incoming Editorial Team·Verified October 24, 2026

Dolphins, they're everywhere. They're in our biggest oceans and fanciest pools. They've made their way into our movies, our sports teams, and even our bedrooms– like in an under-the-sea themed bedspread sort of way and also because some people want to have sex with them. Yes, everyone loves dolphins, but should they? No. Join intrepid reporter Charlotte Swett as she exposes the horrifying truth: these traitors to mammalia are sleep-deprived junkies who love to murder and also do sexual abuse stuff.